BiPolar

could it be true? could I actually be depressed?

Last night and emotion that I was not familiar with took over my whole body. Hysterically crying, dizzy, light headed, confused, lost in my own mind. I was going crazy. In my mind, all I could think of was I need help, I am scared, what has happened to me. Thoughts of being useless, unwanted has driven me down this ditch that I need help to get out of.

I don't feel like I have anyone to go to that would understand how I feel. So I just smile it out, I am just scared for the day that I can no longer disguise my true feelings.

The day that I can't bare it anymore, when all the ropes are cut and I am there to just fall. Is the day I fear the most. I am scared to fall under this. This sadness has complete control over me. When I close my eyes its complete darkness with hands trying to take me.

Am I psychotic?

I don't want to be that crazy depressed girl, but I sadly it's slowly taking over me. Yet, no one around me can see it. No one has done anything to try and fix it. Because No one cares about me, no one truly loves me enough to know that I am not okay.

I just need a friend.