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Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Don't you think you ought to know by now?

You'd think that knowing me for my 16 years that you'd know me. That you know everything that makes me, me. What breaks me, how to make me mad, how to make me happy. But the reality is that you don't, you have no clue.

I am suffering from who knows what. It's written all over my face, my body language, my attitude. Do you ever bother to ask how I am doing. How I am doing at school. You'd think that you notice the effort and hard work I put into making you proud. I get inducted to the National French Honor Society and you throw the congratulation letter in with the junk. I get 8th in the state for a National test, and you don't even acknowledge me. At school, I gave up everything for one thing. One thing that made me so happy- and he left. Never did he give up anything for me. I should have known. Do you know how it feels like to be me? NO you don't. I am not confident, I am not skinny, I am not smart, nor a good athlete, I am horrid at singing and dancing. I'm just not that good at anything. Why was I put on this earth. Sometime I think that I was put here to be compared to people to make them look and feel better. I don't understand, I would go out of my way to make someone happy, but no one will step in for a minute to see me smile. Instead I have to resort to writing on this stupid blog to help get my emotions out. I have been through so much hoping that Karma would work it's magic. It has yet to treat me right. I wish I could be better than this. Sorry I will never be good enough.

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